Homer Comel

Homer: Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

Scully: Homer, we're going to ask you a few simple yes or no questions. Do you understand?
Homer: Yes. (lie dectector blows up)

Grandpa: My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star.

Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal.
Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.

Homer: Aw, twenty dollars! I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts!
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services!
Homer: Woo-hoo!

Ralph: Me fail English? That's unpossible.

Homer (sung to the Flintstones song): Simpson! Homer Simpson! He's the greatest guy in history. From the, Town of Springfield! He's about to hit a chestnut tree! ( hits tree )

Homer: I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.

Homer: Lisa, would you like a donut?
Lisa: No thanks. Do you have any fruit?
Homer: This has purple in it. Purple is a fruit.

Burns: I suggest you leave immediately
Homer: Or what? You'll release the dogs or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you?

Bart: Dad, what's a Muppet?
Homer: Well, it's not quite a mop, not quite a puppet, but man... (laughs, then pauses) So, to answer your question, I don't know.

Marge: This is the worst thing you've ever done.
Homer: You say that so often that it lost its meaning.

Lisa: Dad, don't you think you're overreacting?
Homer: Don't you think you're *under*reacting?
Lisa: This conversation is over.
Homer: This conversation is *under*.
Lisa: Goodbye.
Homer: *Bad*bye

Lisa: Do we have any food that wasn't brutally slaughtered?
Homer: Well, I think the veal died of loneliness.

Homer: [Looking at a globe map...country being Uruguay]
Hee hee! Look at this country! 'You are gay.'

Ralph: My cat's breath smells like cat food.

Homer: Okay Marge, its your child against my child. The winner will be showered with praise. The loser will be taunted and booed until my throat is sore.

Homer: [Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!

Homer: Operator! Give me the number for 911!

Homer: You couldn't fool your own mother on the foolingest day of your life with an electrified fooling machine!

Abe: That doll is EVIL, I tells ya. Evil! Eeeeeeviillll!!!
Marge: Grandpa, you said that about all the presents.
Abe: I just want attention.

Homer: Hey boy! Wanna play catch?
Bart: No thanks dad.
Homer: When a son doesn't want to play catch with his father something is definitely wrong.
Grandpa Simpson: I'll play catch with you!
Homer: Go home.

Grandpa: Are we there yet?
Homer: No
Grandpa: Are we there yet?
Homer: No
Grandpa: Are we there yet?
Homer: No
Grandpa: ........Where are we going?

Marge: What on earth possessed you to get an earring?
Bart: Milhouse has one.
Marge: If Milhouse jumped off a cliff...
Bart: Milhouse jumped off a cliff? I'm there.
Homer: Get back here, boy. You're a disgrace to this family and its proud naval tradition.
Bart: Well, I'm keeping this earring and you can't stop me.
Homer: Oh ... I always thought Lisa would be the one to get her ears pierced.
Lisa: Can I?
Homer: No.

Homer: I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.

Homer: Well crying isn't going to help. Now, you can sit there feeling sorry for yourself or you can eat can after can of dog food until your tears smell enough like dog food until your dog comes back, or you can go out there and find your dog.
Bart: You're right.
[Gets up and leaves]
Homer: Rats. I almost had him eating dog food.

Marge: Homer, you don't have to pray outloud.
Homer: But he's way the hell up there!

Homer: Oh, so they have internet on computers now!